Wednesday, 12 July 2017

Massive Paintings, Affordable Shipping, Bonus Gift Me.

Hello. I have some large paintings for Sale.

Formed A Band 120cm x 100cm Acrylic on Canvas (this is the best size of Formed A Band Painting)

And 'Abstract Expressionism is Harder Than It Looks' also Acrylic On Canvas 120cm x 100cm

These paintings are ACE, and LOVELY and MASSIVE and VERY expensive to ship.

So I have figured out a way around that.

For the brilliant price of £850 (plus travel) you can have one of these amazing paintings hand delivered to you by me and as a bonus I will then perform my spoken word show 'I Formed A Band' for you (with a Q and A at the end)

I will perform wherever you like.. in your your your doctors waiting group.. working mans club... and also for any occasion you want...  a birthday ...a bar mitzvah... a court hearing..

You are more than welcome to invite other people along for free, or if you want to charge them money you can do that too, or maybe you would like to be the only person there to relish the awkwardness of me delivering an hour long monologue to you sat by yourself staring at me from your arm chair.

All you need to do is pay for me to get there and a little bit of refreshment.


I can't drive so you'll need to pay for a train, bus, taxi, horse and cart.. to get me to your house. As long as its possible to bring a large painting along with me I'll do it.

For Flying, I travel economy with just hand luggage, you will have to pay for the painting one way though of course, (outsize luggage on a flight is usually just the same as a suitcase) I dont mind flying at stupid o'clock.


You will also (unless you are in Berlin snd maybe London) have to give me somewhere to sleep. A sofa is totally fine. I don't mind a cat sleeping on me but a dog or larger animal is a bit too much.

I'll also need a tiny bit of food (I will eat whatever you are having as long as it is not liver)

And also a little bit of drink (I'll drink whatever you are having as long as its not Pernod)

And thats it.

So a painting and a spoken word show for £850. You can invite 85 of your friends and charge them £10 each to get a free painting, or you can try and bring more people and make a profit. I don't care as far as I'm concerned it is all included in the price of the painting.

Just don't lock me in a cage, or attack me, or photograph me when I'm asleep and we are all good.

If you are interested in this amazing offer. You can get in touch with me at put the words Massive Painting in the header of your email.

There is only one Abstract Expressionism painting. But large Formed A Band paintings can be made to order.

The painting will be very well wrapped and packaged.

I look forward to sleeping on your sofa.