MORE SPECIFIC.

Tickets available HERE

NEW YEARS EVE

Hating New Years Eve is a cliche. I'm sick of people saying

"The trouble with New Years Eve is you expect to have loads of fun and invariably you're always let down"

Fuck those people. I expect to have fun every time I leave the house. I am seldom let down.

This New Years Eve. I am going to be at The Echo. The Blood Arm (fresh from their Gossip Girl appearance) are going to be playing live and I am DJ-ing. Neither of us will let you down.Get your hopes up.You will have loads of fun.

Tickets are $10 in advance. There is free Champagne

buy your tickets HERE

Ho Ho Ho

If you're a small child look away now.

I've been trying to remember the day that I stopped believing in Father Christmas.

I must have believed in Father Christmas at some point. I'm not a very cynical person and I was an especially gullible child. Until I was seven my Mum convinced me that when I lied, a big letter L would appear on my forehead. It was so she would know when I was lying. I'd casually try and hide the L with my hand whilst telling her untruths. My early believe in that magic L is probably the reason why I have worn my hair in a long floppy fringe for most of my life.

I only have two memories of Father Christmas. The first is of queuing up to sit on his knee with my friend Stuart. Whilst waiting, we had invented a game that involved biting hard on a rope and then letting the other person karate chop it. I managed to lose two teeth. Actually lose them. They never turned up. I remember being very concerned that the Tooth Fairy wouldn't give me any money without them. So as a child, I must have believed that at least one fictional character was real and it wouldn't make sense to believe in the Tooth Fairy and not Father Christmas. Perhaps I believed in neither and was afraid that my spare teeth would be worthless and I would get no presents at Christmas unless I pretended that I believed in Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy. Maybe my parents were the gullible ones being tricked by a seven year old, who had convinced them he believed in these ridiculous notions of fairies and jolly men with presents just so he could line his pockets with presents and baby teeth money.

I hope that wasn't the case though. That would make me a very cynical seven year old.

My second memory of Father Christmas is of him drunkenly falling on me. We were staying with my Grandparents. My Mum had borrowed a Santa costume from somewhere and had managed to convince one of my uncles to put it on. The plan was to take a photo of him putting presents in the stockings at the foot of mine and my brother's bed to forge evidence that Father Christmas was real. My Uncle had gotten far too drunk in the pub though and stumbled in to the room waking me up by falling on me and shouting "Oooh ya Bugger, Ow Awch Grrr Ahhh"

You would think a drunk man falling on me dressed as Father Christmas would be the moment that I realised Father Christmas was a lie, a conspiracy dreamt up by my relatives. If anything though I think it added more credibility to the Father Christmas myth. I think a slightly drunk generous Scottish man is a very believable version of Father Christmas. In fact, that is exactly how I'm going to tell it to my children.

Finding out Father Christmas wasn't a real live drunk Scottish man must have been very traumatic for me. I imagine that is why I have mentally blocked it out. I hope it doesn't come back as a repressed memory. It might destroy me.

Blog.

I still haven't managed to get a copy of Booster Gold 15. Barnaby Fudge has blogged about the album HERE

Blog.

We finished recording 'Art Brut Versus Satan' a few days ago.It took less than two weeks. I don't know what Axl Rose's problem is he must be very lazy. We've been mixing since Monday. So I have had a bit of spare time on my hands. Spare time that I have spent traipsing around in the snow

After unsuccessfully looking for Booster Gold 15 in Portland on Monday. I tried again on Tuesday in Salem. 

I'd been told the Borders in the mall had a few comics in stock. I'm a very optimistic man so I headed off through the snow to the mall. When I got to the mall I studied the very complicated map they had there, to find out where the Borders was. After about five minutes I finally decided I couldn't work it out and ended up just walking around all the shops until I stumbled across it.

Borders only carry Batman and Superman comics.I was tempted to buy a Superman comic as I love Geoff Johns writing but its quite far into the current story so I'm going to wait till its all collected together in one big book. I haven't been able to buy a Batman comic in a while. The last time I read a Batman comic I hated it. I haven't really given Grant Morrison's Batman RIP a chance because I really didn't like Batman and Son. Whenever I read about Batman RIP though it gives me the same nauseous feeling I get when I read about The Velvet Underground's reunion in 1993. That feeling  that a lot of good work is being undone.

Borders recommended that I try a place called Border Lines. When I got to Border Lines it looked so much like a Dungeons and Dragons, World of Warcraft, Pokemon, den that I actually asked at the counter if he knew where the nearest comic book store was. He was actually very nice and showed me the small corner of his store where he sells comics. They didn't have Booster Gold 15 either. He apologised  and explained to me that Salem was "more of a Marvel comics town". As I left and looked back through the window at all the strange men playing with action figures and pretending to be Wizards. I understood what he meant. People like me that read DC comics would never let ourselves look so ridiculous.

Border Lines recommended a place called Danger Zone. This is more like it I thought. I've been in strange towns looking for comics before. The shop called Danger Zone is always the best.

It was a long walk to Danger Zone. At one point I was walking through  snow that had been  untouched by other peoples feet. After about Forty Minutes I got to the shop and from the opposite side of the road it looked like a comic shop. I rushed towards the shop slipping slightly on the ice. It was a comic shop. Hooray. When I got into the shop though I could hear the owner talking on his phone about online gaming. Curses! I thought. It really is a Marvel town. Danger Zone didnt have Booster Gold 15 either he recommended I try Portland.

It seems there are no Booster Gold comics in the whole of Oregon. So it really is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live here.

On the way back to the studio. In the middle of nowhere. I found a man's phone in the snow. There is no way anybody else would have been walking that way for a long time.So in a way his phone was saved by Booster Gold.

THE PITCHFORK INTERVIEW THAT SAVED ME FROM THE HIPPY

 Is HERE

Blog.

Its been snowing pretty heavily in Oregon.I've been out having adventures in it.

My girlfriend came up from LA to stay over the weekend. So on Monday she drove her rented car back to Portland to get her flight home and I went with her to the airport. I dont drive so my adventure began as soon as I tried to get back to Salem.

Dyan (My girlfriend) assured me that there was a train or a bus every hour from Portland that would take me back to Salem. At the airport the information guy told me that to catch the train to Salem I needed to get the Metro to a place called Rose Quarter,thinking about it now he might not have been an information guy, just a random man who looked authoritative.His information was definitely wrong. I stumbled all over the place in Rose Quarter before getting back on the Metro and crossing the bridge to Union Train Station.

I didn't find my way to Union Train Station immediately. I had to ask someone for directions. I thought I was asking a hipster. It wasn't until he was showing me the way by walking with me that I realized he was quite a scary drunk homeless guy. It was when he offered me a sip of some powerful looking booze that all the pieces fell into place. I declined his offer though as it was still pretty early in the morning. 

At the train station they told me that there are only a few trains a day to Salem and that the next one would be in four hours.

Luckily I have a vague knowledge of Portland so I walked around in the snow,went to the few record shops I know and started looking for a shop that would sell me issue 15 of Booster Gold. I couldn't find one anywhere. They seem to only sell art comics in Portland. Unless superhero comics are really popular and all get bought up the day they are released.

After walking around for four hours in the cold. I finally got my train.Bizarrely the train staff  pair you up with a companion. I got a hippy. First he taught me Dominos which he beat me at. Then we played Connect Four he beat me at that too. After he had also beaten me a couple of times at cards as well he started to talk to me like I was simple. I wasn't in the mood for talking though so I just went with it. I think at one point we were both playing entirely different card games. Gin Rummy has a very broad definition. I escaped him when I had to go and do a phone interview with Pitchfork in a quieter part of the train. When I got off the train I walked back to the window where we had both been sat to say goodbye. He was no longer there. Perhaps he was a hallucination brought on by the cold.

Salem doesn't really have a train station. Just a patch of ground in the middle of nowhere where the train stops. I don't know Salem very well and wanted to get to a bit of it that had shops and people and maybe a bus stop and some coffee. So I shouted at the one person I could see.

"Hey, which way to civilization?"

They just glared at me. I think they thought that I was being sarcastic.

After getting off the train I walked for ages. I got some very confusing directions from a girl working in a Subway Sandwich. I think she thought I was traveling in a car. I wasn't.By the time I bumped in to a man called Rick. Her "ten minute" journey had already taken me forty minutes.

Rick was a lifesaver. He put me on the right bus and traveled with me a lot of the way home.He had been heading somewhere to get an X-Ray of some sort.He seemed absolutely fine to me but I didn't want to pry . Rick was very easy to chat to. I do tend to mumble though so I think Rick might have come away from our conversation thinking that my name is Eddie Brut that I am the lead singer of the Pixies and that I am in Salem to produce an album by a band called Black Francis. I think Rick might also be under the impression that Im a devout Catholic.

Rick was brilliant and helpful without being weird and better than that didn't feel the need to humiliate me by beating me at a lot of travel games I'd never played before. I think Rick might be my guardian angel.

I finally got back to my hotel at 6.45pm Eleven hours after I had left for Portland and Three and a half hours after I had arrived back in Salem

I very much doubt any of the people who helped me get home read my blog which is a shame as I'd like to thank them.

Thank you the man at the airport who gave me train information. Even though it was wrong. 

Thank you the homeless man for walking me to Union Station and offering me some booze.

Thank you hippy for entertaining me on the train journey even though all I really wanted to do was listen to music. I did try and say goodbye to you

Thank you Subway Sandwich girl for the directions. I forgive you for not having time to distance ratio fully worked out.

Thank you Rick for talking me out of a walk home that, in hindsight, I would still be on now. I know neither of us had fallen over on the Ice when I said goodbye to you. I ended up falling three times.I hope you got home ok and didn't slip once.

HO HO HO

The video for "Countdown To Christmas" is HERE

The Passenger.

>Have you seen The South Park episode in which every thing they attempt in the programme they have to stop as they find out the Simpsons have done it before them?

I have that with Jonathan Richman or at least I used to before I owned every recorded sound he's ever made.

The first time I visited Paris I came home with the intention of writing a song about it.I found out almost immediately that Jonathan Richman had beaten me to it.

I love Chocolate Milkshake. I love it so much I started to write a song about it.I found out after I had started  writing that Jonathan had beaten me to it. So I stopped.

I used to be a Goth (a long time ago) and before I was in a relationship. I still used to get crushes on Goth girls. That's a funny thing to write about I thought. Put pen to paper. Then put on my latest Jonathan Richman purchase and found out that he'd beaten me to it.

So I admit now. That I know Jonathan Richman has a very good song about riding the bus (an amazing version of it can be found HERE) but wrote my own anyway.

I cant drive. I dont really ever intend to learn either. I love taking the bus and the train.I love being late for everything and I love feeling the lack of responsibility that being on the way to somewhere gives you. The feeling of not yet being somewhere but of having already left somewhere else.

I've not nicked any lyrics though.

My Dad once stole a load of Nick Cave lyrics to impress a girl claiming that they were poetry he'd written. I warned him the dangers of that by saying 

"There is always someone somewhere with a big nose who knows,who will trip you up and laugh when you fall"

 and he said thats very good who wrote that, and I said

"I did"

I'm off now to write a song about sitting in the back of my dads car listening to the radio and feeling lonely whilst he drives around Boston

Do you live in Salem?

Then come to our gig. It is at a place called The Space. You can read about it HERE

Blog.

We had a bit of a late start this morning. So I watched some Celebrity Rehab. I didn't know such a terrifying program existed. I remember low rent comedy shows in England at the end of the 90's having this premise for terrible sketches. It's very depressing to watch. Poor Steve Adler. Imagine being so fucked up and addicted to drugs that even Guns And Roses cant put up with you. I hope all those celebrities manage to get better. 

I can sympathise with Steve Adler though. I had to make a lot of urgent phone calls to the UK this morning so missed my morning hit of sausage gravy. I didn't realise I had become so addicted. I am contemplating breaking into the cupboard where I'm presuming the hotel staff keep huge vats of it and, much like an inmate of celebrity rehab, taking a load of it up on to the roof  where I wont be disturbed until I'm done.

If I cant get into the cupboard. I will head into Salem to try and buy some Sausage Gravy on the street. Even if it has been cut up with other less desirable breakfast produce, American bacon perhaps. It will still at least partially satisfy my craving. Maybe that gentleman from the other night the one that handed me the note that read "Follow the trail of blood back to the hotel" could sort me out. I'm a bit scared to ring him though.

Failing that. Im going to head down to the Fred Myer buy some porridge, some beef stock, some sausages and some black pepper and attempt to mix my own batch in the bath tub. I presume those are the ingredients.

So sorry Jasper if you come back to the room tonight and the bath is full of  gravy and I'm O'd on the hotel room floor.I need your sympathy I've got a problem.

Art Brut Versus Satan is sounding AWESOME  by the way.

GLAM CHOPS BETTER THAN RAZORLIGHT AND THE SUGABABES

The evidence is HERE

Those are pretty good odds. Especially considering we're non chart eligible.

The Glam Chops double A side "Countdown To Christmas/Jesus Was The First Glam Rocker" is still available free from HERE

HO HO HO Merry Christmas.

Blog.

As of yesterday we are ten songs in to "Art Brut Versus Satan". We had a pretty full on day yesterday. We spent all of it working on an eight minute song called "Mysterious Bruises". I haven't quite finished the words for it yet so I got to spend the day in the same room as the rest of Art Brut working the lyrics out. Normally they keep me in a cupboard.

Im not being kept in a cupboard against my will. It is because for the first time ever we are all recording our parts at the same time and my voice isn't allowed to bleed into the recording of the other instruments. Although I think they are also keeping me in a cupboard to stop me eating all the M&M's that are in their part of the studio.

I don't mind being kept in a cupboard though. I am safe from prying eyes in there. Which is very useful. I am ever so slightly more "sing-y" on this album and I've realised my voice sounds a bit better if I dance like Mick Jagger whilst I sing and I couldn't possibly do that with the rest of the band watching.

So to recap I am living in a hotel in Salem on a diet of sausage gravy and spending my days locked in a cupboard dancing like Mick Jagger.

Blog.

Whilst we are in Salem recording "Art Brut Versus Satan" we are all living in a Comfort Inn. Its very nice. Although I am beginning to feel a bit like Alan Partridge.

Every morning I get up and eat at the continental breakfast bar downstairs. I have sausage-gravy and muffins,waffles and syrup and then a small cake. This is definitely a lot more calories than my usual breakfast. My usual breakfast is three hours more sleep. I think having a swim everyday might even things out though and I'll remain exactly the same size I am now.

I am eating so much for breakast it is actually like I'm  intentionally putting on weight for a film. Like Robert Deniro in Raging Bull. The truth is though I need to retain my slightly over weight stature for the album as I've written a song that is partially about it called "Just Desserts" that would make little sense if I was thin.

I've already lost one song that I'd written called "Get On With It" that was about artistic inertia. We cant play that one anymore because at the end of the song I mention how Chinese Democracy will never be coming out and it since has. I also mention how they're will never be a Ghostbusters 3 with Bill Murray in it which has also since changed. JD Salinger hasn't released the last book in The Glass family trilogy yet but it does seem I have some magic power to make things happen.

If anybody is awaiting an author to finish a book,for a film to come out or an album to be released let me know. I'll put it in a song and whatever artistic endeavour your awaiting should be out before I have had a chance to record it.

Blog.

Art Brut are in Oregon. We are recording our album in a punk as fuck two weeks with Black Francis. It is going really well we're already about 7 songs in. We've written two new ones too "Twist and Shout" and "The Passenger".

We're staying in a hotel on the freeway and went to a local bar on Friday. Very local. It was a bit like this pub scene from American Werewolf in London when we entered. Everybody went silent and looked at us. The fact that everybody in the pub was watching a teenage boy being mauled by a Lion on the television made the pub even scarier.The staff and customers were all actually really nice though and who can fault a pub that has Proud Mary by Creedence Clearwater Revival on the Jukebox.

Thinking about it now though I should have put Bad Moon On The Rise on to fully get that American Werewolf vibe.

A little later in to proceedings a scary coke/crystal meth guy came over to sit with us. He was nice enough and warned us about people like himself who were addicted to substances and consequently might want to steal our money. He was very polite though and gave me his number on a little piece of paper just in case I wanted to try crystal meth in the future. He also wrote "follow the trail of blood back to the hotel" on the piece of paper. I dont think that was his name though.

If your ever driving along the freeway in Salem and fancy a drink. I recommend  the random cocktail bar attached to a chinese restaurant near some hotels. The staff are friendly and polite and it is a bit of an adventure.

Barnaby Fudge has started a blog about the album too it is HERE.

I know people think I am him. I promise you Im not though. I just claim the credit for some of the funnier things he has said.

Apologies To Barnaby Fudge

Who I seem to have upset. Barnaby Fudge runs the Art Brut website and updates the news section

you can read him HERE

TOP OF THE POPS

I wrote this for the NME. It is in this weeks issue. Their version is a little bit different.It mentions a weird Email I got asking me if I was behind The Ting Tings. Like Art Brut the Ting Tings asked fans at a gig to hand paint 7'' singles for them and they have "We Formed A Band" in huge letters on the inner sleeve of their album which is very similar to a lyric of ours. I am not the svengali behind the Ting Tings unfortunately. Although that is quite a good conspiracy theory.

WHY I LOVE TOTP.

I can't remember when it was that I first started watching Top Of The Pops. Until now, I have always thought that one of my earliest memories was watching Adam Ant perform "Goody Two Shoes" on the show. Although I've just looked up when that was so I could write about it and have realised that it has to be a false memory, because I was only two when it happened in 1981. I can, however, definitely remember when I realised Top Of The Pops was the programme for me. It was at school in the early nineties

I hate sport. Especially football. I always have. As a boy growing up though, especially at school, you're expected to like it. People insist you have to have a favourite team and ask you how your team is doing, what hopes you have for your team, whether you are disappointed in your team's performance etc. I never actually managed to choose a team or was even polite enough to pretend that I had, but I always envied the way people supported their teams. I think a little of that envy transferred itself into my obsession with Top Of The Pops.

While my school friends were all supporting Manchester United, reading the football results and watching Match Of The Day, I was studying the charts in quite an unhealthy, almost autistic way and watching Top Of The Pops. I couldn't have chosen a better time to develop a full blown obsession with the program than in the early nineties. There were loads of classic moments: Nirvana refusing to mime and choosing to "sing like Morrissey" instead, The Eels playing children's instruments and smashing them up at the end of Novocaine For The Soul, Jarvis wearing an "I Hate Wet Wet Wet" t-shirt because they had been at number one for so long. It wasnt just bands mucking about with the zeitgeist I enjoyed either - it felt like a real victory for me at the time to see bands like Suede, Pulp, Belle and Sebastian, Black Box Recorder and even Bis getting on the programme. In football terms, I had followed these bands from the bottom of division three and was now watching them win all their matches and enter the premiership. It didn't last very long, but it was a brilliant time.
 
I don't just love Top Of The Pops for the indie bands that got on it, though. I love pop music. Top of The Pops really was important to me growing up, definitely as important as sport is to some people. So it's brilliant to see that it may be brought back as a public service. It certainly deserves to be. I just hope that it will stick to its previous rules: the number one record is always featured as well as the highest climbing single and the highest new entry, and that no record besides the number one can be featured on consecutive episodes. Otherwise, it will change the rules of the game, making it a different programme. I'm also a purist, so I hope they still put it on at 7 on thursday evenings.

My love of Top Of The Pops and my inclusion of it in a lot of Art Brut's lyrics has led it to be a sort of catchphrase for my band. People have chanted Top Of The Pops at us all over the world. We even got to appear on it in Germany (I was so happy to be on it, in contrast with popstars that are usually forced to go on it, that the German staff mistook my enthusiasm as sarcasm. I had to explain to them that I really meant it, I still don't think they believed me though). When Top Of The Pops was cancelled in the UK, nearly 5000 people signed a petition to get us on the last show.

That association of Top Of The Pops with the band means that whenever there is a news story about it I get a lot of emails. I've had a lot emails recently about the Ting Tings bringing it back, asking me if I'm angry at them for stealing my thunder. Of course I'm not, it's not my personal programme and I want to see it brought back as much as them. The only thing I do regret is making my Glam Chops Christmas single a free download because of the  credit crunch. If I had known there was going to be a Christmas TOTP I would have fought for the number one spot, credit crunch or not.

One of my most prized possesions is a printout of an email from the Top Of The Pops staff telling Art Brut that we are the best band in the world. I have it framed on my wall. If the charts were premiership football though, Art Brut would still be struggling to get into the first division. Perhaps one day, the world will decide to get into shouty spoken pop music and we'll make it. Until then, I wish the Ting Tings the best of luck bringing it back. It will be nice to have that long-held but probably impossible ambition to aim for again.

by Eddie Argos (29 1/4)

ADVERT

Art Brut played a show for JD recently in Glasgow.We performed "Duchess" with Hugh Cornwall from The Stranglers. you can hear it HERE. There is also the new longer version of Modern Art, Nag Nag Nag Nag and the "Falling On a Bruise" version of Post  Soothing Out.

Just go to Art Brut and then click on tracks.

HO HO HO

The Glam Chops single "Countdown To Christmas" and its B-Side "Baby Jesus Was The First Glam Rocker" are now available for FREE from the blog section  of The Glam Chops Myspace 

Merry Christmas.

HO HO HO

I got a phone call late on Friday asking me to dress up like Father Christmas for the Panther Girls while they danced to The Glam Chops song "Countdown To Christmas".

It was for some internet telly thing. They were on after Natty who sung a brilliant song  about Barrack Obama.

All the other artists were MC's or DJ's and despite being a rapper myself I think the Glam Chops track was radically different from all the other artists playing.Im excited to see how the programme turns out.

Glam Chops Single "Countdown To Christmas" is free from our Myspace tomorrow.

Frank Black Is Producing The New Art Brut Album

Im glad that it was finally in the NME that we're recording with Frank Black. I don't know why we were keeping it a secret. I'm rubbish with secrets. I was thinking about trying to put anybody off that asked me out right if  the Pixies legend Frank Black was producing our next album by telling them that they must have mis-heard and in fact the legendary Pixie Geldof was. Im glad I didnt have to stoop that low to hide our secret.

We've written about Twenty Songs. We've been playing quite a few of them live; Alcoholics Unanimous, Summer Job, Art Brut Versus Satan, Rebellious Henchman, Moved To LA and DC Comics And Chocolate Milkshake. I cant wait to start recording.

We leave for Oregon on Thursday. Hooray.

My New Favourite Bands

I did an interview the other week with the NME about my favourite new bands. I was really hung over.It was the day after we'd played in Glasgow (the booziest place in the world).My mind was completely blank.The only new band I could remember that I loved was Lets Wrestle. Who I do think are brilliant but aren't really that new. I think Lets Wrestle along with The Indelicates have been my favourite new band for the last couple of years now.

So to set the record straight. Of the new bands I saw live this year I really liked The Franks

I love Ezra Furman and The Harpoons album 

I think The Soft Packs are amazing

and Violet Violet are my favourite new band and its not just because they wrote THIS.

COUNTDOWN TO COUNTDOWN TO CHRISTMAS

Glam Chops Christmas Single In The Grauniad

More about the Christmas single HERE

Blog.

I am back in LA. I was only away for a week. It really is a lot like I live here. Although if you're a US customs official reading this I should point out that I don't ACTUALLY live here. I am just here a lot visiting.

I first realised it is "a lot like I live here" about six or seven months ago. I had been traveling around on the trains and buses all day and had for the first time actually known where I'd been going. I came home put on a pair of slippers I'd bought the day before, did the washing up and collapsed exhausted on the sofa. That felt an awful lot like I live here. Although I don't really ever do the washing up at my actual home in London.

It really felt like I live here this time though as the Tivo had taped things for me watch in the week I'd been away.

I dont watch much telly. I watch House, Dr Who, The Soup and 30 Rock and I am made to watch America's Next Top Model and Top Chef. I do secretly enjoy watching both of those shows though, Top Chef because it's brilliant and America's Next Top Model because it's populated by fucking idiots that are entertaining to watch bumbling about.

Looking back at that it does look like I watch loads of television, especially as I've just remembered I watch Gossip Girl too. I watch television in the morning here whilst I eat my breakfast. I had not been away long enough for there to be anything for me to watch this time though. So unfortunately I watched an SNL.

I'm thinking of trying to turn the letters SNL into a slang adjective meaning inconsistent.

Q."How was that band you saw last night?"

A."They were a bit SNL."

It literally means "The first song was alright,they were on fire in the middle for about ten minutes and the last song was a disappointing, self congratulatory, anti climax."

Q."How was that meal you went for last week at that new restaraunt?"

A."It was a bit SNL."

Meaning "The starter was quite nice and seemingly cooked by a different Chef. The Main Course was partially satisfying and the Dessert tasted like a bland middle of the road rubbish band."

Alright maybe it doesn't completely stand up but you get the point.

I watched the Ben Affleck one. It wasn't funny once. Even making the inconsistency of the episodes inconsistent.

SNL is definitely a byword for inconsistent. Let's all start using it today.

I'll start the trend right now by apologising that my blogging is a bit SNL.

Blog.

Well my intention of writing everyday fell at the first hurdle.I dont know how Richard Herring does it.

I've been listening to a lot of Richard Herring recently. I downloaded all of his and Andrew Collins Podcasts to entertain me as I flew backwards and forwards across the Atlantic.

I love their Podcast.It is just the two of them rambling into garage band in Richard's attic.Sometimes it can be a bit rubbish but not for long and I think that adds to the charm.

I've been a fan of both of theirs for a while.

When Andrew Collins was on 6 music he used to do the round table.I was on once when he was hosting. He is a lovely man and I miss listening to him on 6 music.

Richard Herring has a book called the Talking Cock about penises.I answered some of his early questionnaires about penises and some of my answers are in the book (anonymously of course).Ive been a fan of his since Fist Of Fun in the early Nineties and recently saw the warm ups for his show The Headmasters Son. In my opinion the best thing he's ever done.I recommend you go and see it.

THE CREDIBILTY CRUNCH

The NME have the news on the free glam chops single HERE



Ho.Ho.Ho

AN ODE TO IMPATIENCE

I have some confessions to make.

I admit,unfortunately, that I am THAT man who stands behind you at the cash machine rolling his eyes if you DARE do anything other than take money out.

I  am confessing now that on  Saturdays in Camden when they shut the escalators down to the tube and ask people to use the stairs that every Saturday I come very close to pushing everybody down those stairs and then stomping across their stupid slow moving bodies as I run victoriously towards the train.

There is a facebook group called "I secretly want to punch slow walking people in the back of the head".I don't belive that group goes far enough.I want to chase after slow walking people swinging a hammer.

There is more to admit but basically what Im trying to say is I'm a very impatient man.With very  little time and too much to do.In that respect I am a lot like Ringo Starr

So I should love the fact that I have one of THESE in my kitchen.

It speeds up the tea making process by always having hot water ready.

I didnt trust it at first.I am not a fan of strange new technology.

I have however recently started using it as we no longer have a real kettle and boiling water on the stove takes far too long.

Consequently I've come to realise that I like to wait for the kettle to boil.I enjoy the race of trying to get the milk and sugar ready before the kettle clicks off, I enjoy reading half a page of the Guardian stood in the kitchen whilst the kettle does its job and I really enjoy having the choice to pour the water before its boiled as it gives me the satisfied feeling that I have saved some time.

Everybody knows that 70% of the fun in going out dancing is the getting ready.I think with making tea it is about the same ratio.If not more so.

I am writing this Blog to keep myself awake till a reasonably late time so I can hopefully sleep through the night.I didnt sleep at all last night and tried to get up at 8am anyway to "power through".It didnt work.Even though I sat in the front room far away from my bed  so as not too tempt myself with a few useless hours sleep.I woke up at 1.30pm on my bedroom floor with no idea how I got there I must have sleep walked.I genuinely have no memory of coming to my room so if you saw me acting nefariously between about 9am and 1.30pm I wasn't in control of my actions,and I'm sorry.

I think my maverick approach to punctuation, spelling and grammar are at an all new low today, because of my sleep deprevation so apologies.

If your a purist for that kind of thing lets just pretend this is a poem.

Good Night

JET LAGGED

I got back to the UK yesterday from visiting my girlfriend in LA.

Im very very jet lagged.I did manage to stay awake till one AM though hoping I'd manage to sleep all through the night.I didnt I woke up at about three thirty and have been lying here awake ever since.

Whenever I have trouble sleeping it normally comes accompanied with a song going around and around loudly in my head.Is this normal?

This time it's "Fuck The Creditors" a song I watched The Blood Arm record for their new record when I was in LA last week.I've not been able to stop singing the chorus over and over again in my head all night and its loud enough to wake me each time I'm about to fall asleep.

I accidently sung part of the chorus aloud in Somerfield yesterday when i was queing to buy my dinner.The chorus goes "fuck the creditors,they get what they deserve" I think the old lady in the que behind me thoroughly agreed.

Its a very good song.I just wish I could sleep

BIFF! BANG! POW!

Not a Pow! To The People but an interview I did about comics can be found HERE

BIFF! BANG! NECRO-DELIC!

The Necrodelic Gerad Way writes ace comics.

Ive written a new Pow! To The People it is HERE

WE WERE BORN IN THE USA.

A Glam Duet HERE

BIFF! BANG! COW!

Im typing this in my pyjamas whilst drinking a chocolate milkshake.

I've written  new Pow! To The People it is HERE

AND IM ALL LIKE "HMMMMM...."

This all sounds very familiar.

MORE PRETENTIOUS RAMBLING

I've added  the song Modern Art to my pretentious Art Blog it is HERE

MORE BLOGGING ABOUT BLOGGING

I should be asleep really.

Instead I had a midnight feast and sent some photos over to my friend James' Blog HERE

LIVE JOURNAL ENTRY

I started this blog as a place for me to keep track of all the different things I was up to and to put pressure on myself to make sure that I kept doing them.

I wrote it in the third person to begin with because I thought it would be funny to imagine somebody else chronicling all the daft things I get up too.I soon got bored of that of that though and started writing it as myself.

Once that happened I intended on writing it everyday to unblock my head and help me with my writing  much in the same way Richard Herring does with his blog "Warming Up".

I started to think about what to write each day and kept coming up with ideas along the lines of ...."I feel I've got some sort of disease as I keep accidently singing lines of songs aloud in public places without noticing until people are openly staring at me" or "I have three different Oyster cards and instead of keeping the one I know has got money on it in a safe place or taking all three with me when I travel.I've started playing my own version of russian roulette.Only taking one with me and hoping that it has enough money on it to take me where I want to go."

These felt like they should be livejournal entries but I resisted the urge to write them in livejournal for fear of turning the internet into a virtual version of my bedroom.

My bedroom is filled with many notebooks with half thought out plans over a few pages in each.Half written songs, an idea for a story, different song ideas for different bands,lists of names for bands and ideas of things I could blog about.Those are just the notebooks that have managed to work there way into my bed turning it into more of a notebook nest the somewhere to sleep.

My room is a mess of notebooks and I am determined not to turn the internet into a mess of my blogs so I am intent on keeping all of my blogs in the same place here on this blog.

With the exception of  this one  http://fuck-rock-lets-art.blogspot.com

My new very pretentious blog in which I try and paint a picture for every song I've ever written.

There are three paintings in there already including a new one for the even newer Art Brut song Moved To LA.

Blogging about blogging feels so much like it should be a Livejournal entry it physically hurt me to write it here.

PAINTINGS FOR SALE

I have made some replicas of the Formed A Band painting.

They are made of silver car spray and acrylic paint and are on 24cm x 30xm canvas

They cost Eighty pounds each plus postage and packing which in the UK is Five pounds

there is more information on my new really pretentious blog which is HERE

you can contact me at eddie.argos.resource@gmail.com

BIFF! BANG! POW!

I shouldn't be writing a column about comics but I have.

I've written a new Pow! The People it is HERE

I'm serious about that DC thing at the end too so please do email me.

RADIO GA GA

There is a Glam Chops radio interview from the offset festival HERE.

Also last weeks Guardian had this to say about us


"Musically the five-piece are terrible, all ranting guitars and shouted vocals; AS ENTERTAINMENT ,THEY ARE UNIMPEACHABLE"

BIFF! BANG! POW!

"Oi, Big Ears!"

Batman is a bit of a dick.

I've written a new "Pow! To The People" you can read it HERE

BIFF! BANG! FARMING COMMUNITY?

Old men that once played hockey are amazing.

I have written a new "Pow! To The People" it is HERE

DA DA DA DA DADA DA BASS!

I'm Learning the Bass today to play with Keith TOTP in his back up band (The Minor UK Indie Celebrity All Star Backing Band) tomorrow.

We are playing at 229 its a pretty ace line up, I'm especially looking forward to seeing "Town Bike"

Hopefully we'll be something like a phenomenon

BIFF! BANG! POW!

Shock! Horror! A character created in 1939 does not remain consistent for 69 years and I'm dissapointed.

I've written a new "Pow! To The People" column it is HERE.

Plus more evidence to back up my claim HERE.

And completely unrelated but i loved reading "The Fly" when I was growing up so I'm pretty excited about                                                                                       THIS.

RED TROUSERS IN THE WASHING MACHINE

Lots of people have been emailing me asking about Art Brut and what we have been up too.We've actually been really busy writing our third album,I've just not been writing about it here.

We've been playing a lot of new songs from it live; "Art Brut Versus Satan", "Moved To L.A", "Alcoholics Unanimous" and "Summer Job". Although I'm probably going to change the name of "Summer Job"  to the name of a song that exists already and if not that I'll probably just  name it after some sort of weekend.

There is an entire Art Brut show from Sydney HERE. 

Dont get excited though and think there are new songs called "About My Brother", "The Tate Versus The Louvre?" and "Red Trousers In The Washing Machine". I Think I may have forgotten to give them a setlist and it seems they are unfamiliar with our oeuvre.

PAINTINGS FOR SALE

I have just finished the last batch of the "Ignorance is Bliss" Paintings.

There is a bit of a waiting list to work through but depending on who gets back to me there are about five left without an owner.

They are Twenty Pounds each.

if your interested contact me at eddie.argos.resource@gmail.com

A DUET WITH THE LAST ARMY

I have "sung" on "The Last Army's" cover of Serge Gainsbourg's  'Je t'aime (moi non plus)'

you can hear it HERE

Not singing in French is even harder than not singing in English, its testament to what a great band they are that I didn't completely ruin it.

If you live in London they are playing The Buffalo Bar in Islington this Saturday you should definitely go.

BIFF! BANG! POW!

Captain America drives a stupid looking car.

I've written another "Pow To The People" column.

It is HERE.

GLAM CHOPS BETTER THAN RADIOHEAD

The evidence is HERE. two places higher than Radiohead.

People will tell you that the Spin downloads section is not to be used as yard stick of greatness.

People will also tell you that its because the Radiohead track is only a cover.

People will even tell you that the Spin downloads section is in a non specific order and in no way sorted by order of greatness.

I say to all those people: I don't care, I know we're better than Radiohead as Radiohead are rubbish.

BIFF! GLAM! POW!

Mr Solo has started making a Glam Chops comic strip,here is the first one.

AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH

I've done an interview with the Andy Von Pip Musical Express you can find it HERE.

Its very informative. I even found out some things about myself that I didn't know.

I'm a darling of the New York Bo-Ho art scene?

I wish I'd known that about myself sooner.I would have had a T-Shirt made.

My Mum is going to be very proud.

POP WILL EAT ITSELF

I'm in L.A at the moment finishing off the "Everybody Was In The French Resistance..Now" album.Its going very well we've twelve full on pop songs recorded and I'm just adding the last couple of vocals tomorrow,before we add trumpet and live drums.

I think my favourite of the songs at the moment is probably going to be called "The Ballad of Waldo P Emerson Jones" and is definitely the most obscure reference on the album.Its a prequel to my favourite "Archie's" song "Waldo P Emerson Jones" which it turns out is most famous for being covered by a band called "The Gothees".

On my flight over I read an article in the Independent about the return of the mix tape in which they asked people about their favourite tapes that have been made for them and what they would put on a tape for other people.I honestly think it is possible to guess the entire content of Miles Kane from "The Rascals" tape. Go on have a go and then see how many you got right by looking HERE.

How many out of 12 did you get right? I actually only got 11 as I fully thought he was going to have Imagine by John Lennon.

The article reminded me of a teacher from my secondary school called Mr Dawson who made me a mix tape and how much that tape got me interested in music.

From memory (the tape is at home) it had

Lenny Valentino by The Auteurs

Set The Controls for The Heart of the Pelvis by Barry Adamson (Featuring Jarvis Cocker)

Top of The Pops by The Blue Aeroplanes

Theres a Cloud over Liverpool by The Times

It Fell Off The Back of a Lorry by Denim

and a lot of Super Furry Animals,Animals that Swim and The Animals

although I might be mis-remembering that last bit.There was also a Manic Street Preachers song ,that I recorded over so it wouldn't ruin the tape.

This mixtape entirely changed my life especially "TOTP" by the "Blue Aeroplanes" and "There's a cloud... "by "The Times". It was before the internet so I didnt know who the song was by and I bought a lot of very good records desperately trying to find out who sung it.I wish I knew where Mr Dawson was so I could thank him.

I found out the other day that Dave Newton who is doing an amazing job of producing "Fixing The Charts Vol 1" the album by "Everybody Was In The French Resistance...Now" played guitar on "TOTP" by The Blue Aeroplanes and probably a few other songs on the tape.Dave also owns the Telecaster that Donna Matthews used on the Elastica album which we have since used to record "Superglue" our response to "Vaseline".

There is something very satisfying about writing an album of responses to pop songs and having coincedinces like that happen.I'm hoping to find out that either Dyan or I are related to Waldo P Emerson Gothee Jones III from "The Gothees"

I'm also well aware its pretty easy to guess what would be on a mix tape by me too and that people in glass houses should probably get their girlfriends to check their punctuation, spelling and grammar before they post their blogs.

BIFF! BANG! POW!

I now write a fortnightly column about comics called "Pow! To The People" you can read it HERE

I really fucking love Booster Gold.

Eddie Are You Ready?

No I'm not. GLAM EMERGENCY

The Vichy Regime

To celebrate the re release of one of the greatest albums ever Hefner's "The Fidelity Wars" here is a (very) Lo Fi cover version of the last track from it.

I lOVE ONLY YOU.

Brought to you by the same people behind Everybody Was In The French Resistance...Now.

Sung and recorded into a Laptop about a month ago,I've just been slack about getting it up.

I suppose when we do straight covers we should be called the Vichy Regime.

It was also recorded (due to a series of unusual coincidences) to celebrate the wedding of Josh Baze to Allie Burnet so Congratulations to them on their Wedding I wish I could have seen them dance to it.

RADIO ON... AND ON AND ON AND ON (FOR A WEEK)

Last nights radio session is on play back HERE.We open the show then play two songs with an interview about forty minutes later,but obviously listen to the whole show because its Marc Riley and he is ace.

One of my favourite things about Glam Chops is explaining to people in service stations that I'm covered in make up because I play in a Glam Rock band and I'm on the way home from a show.

Our next show is at Artrocker at the Buffalo bar this Tuesday its free entry if your a member so go and join.

and HERE is a taster from when we played Stay Beautiful to tempt you down or frighten you away depending on how you feel about Trad Glam.

WHAT I DID ON MY HOLIDAYS.

Glam Chops Played at Boring By The Sea in Weymouth on Sunday,their first European Festival.

In the day before the show (it is always a show with Glam Chops we've decided never a gig) we visited Weymouth Sea-Life Center in Lodemoor Park as unlike most Glam bands we dont drink like fishes we just.... like fishes.

We like fishes so much we very nearly missed our show which was at a place called Banus on 

the sea the front I'm not sure how you pronounce it I'm guessing like anus but with a B in front as after we played I went to the bar downstairs to buy a drink and the bartender told me to leave as there were "normal" people drinking there and I wasn't allowed to stay,this is exactly the sort of segregation  my people have suffered since the early Eighties.I advise all those in the Glam Community to steer clear of this bar.

The rest of the Boring By The Sea Festival was fantastic I'm sad I didn't get to meet the fella that organised it I wanted to congratulate him on his amazing acheivment it was a cracking line up and full of brilliant people. Glam Chops fell in love with Weymouth especially everybody at The Queens Hotel I cant wait to come back and play for them.

Glam Chops are probably the only band in the world who have the organizational skills to get stuck in Glastonbury traffic on the way home without actually playing Glastonbury,especially as that traffic was about 70 miles in the wrong direction,still we did get to see stonehenge.

Dont forget we're playing the Marc Riley Show on Radio 6 this thursday and the Deaf Institute in Manchester afterwards.

PAINTINGS FOR SALE.

I've had a lot of request's from people who would like to buy my Painting "Ignorance Is Bliss".

I cant sell it to everybody and I feel prints are impersonal,so I've made twenty replicas on postcard sized canvass and am intending on making another twenty when I have the chance.

There is no C.D or song written specifically for the painting this time although there is an Art Brut B-Side called "Ignorance is Bliss"

I'm making so many I bulk bought paint and canvass this time.

They are Twenty Pounds each.

I've already sold half of this set of twenty.

Enquiries to eddie.argos.resource@gmail.com

C30 C60 C90 GO!

Get a C60 cassette tape ready and prepare to push play and record down together.

Glam Chops are proud to be playing their first radio session it's for Mark Riley's Brain Surgery on Radio 6.

The Date to turn up your radio and dance around your kitchen is Thursday July 3rd.

The Panther Girls will be dancing even though you wont be able to see them.

We are a Glam band that is how we roll (away the stone)

BEST UNSIGNED BAND IN BRITAIN (PART 2)

Nicky Wire can suck my......

Glam Chops are playing at Stay Beautiful at the Purple Turtle in Camden tomorrow night on stage at 10.45pm.

NOW THAT'S MAGIC

I've contributed a "The Great Argos Magic Set" to my friend Mikey Georgeson/Mr Solo/The Vessel's exhibition "My Magic Life" at the Sartorial Art Gallery .

It's made out of Acrylic Paint,Some Sort of Wood Board,Tiny Strips of Card,A Plastic Pole,Curtain Rings, a Match Box and The Spring From a Guitar Pedal.

There was supposed to be instructions to go with it,but I havent finished them yet.

whoops.

EVERYBODY WAS IN THE FRENCH RESISTANCE....NOW

COMMUNIQUÉ.

Avril Lavigne is a bitch. When she's not gloating about her totally undeserved success or berating and sneering at young mothers, she is attempting to steal men from loving happy relationships.

Do not worry. Everybody Was In The French Resistance....Now have the "Motherfucking Princess" in their réticule.

Everybody Was In The French Resistance...Now are correcting the mistakes of pop songs past. So far they have defended the belittled blue collar worker from Kanye West's "Gold Digger," told Gerry and the Pacemakers that in fact it is okay to walk alone, dumped the manipulative Martha Reeves on behalf of poor Jimmy Mack and taken the misguided instructions of a 17th century ballad to its logical conclusion.

THEY ARE FIXING THE CHARTS.

And unlike U2, they are actually recording their album in Joshua Tree (not just being photographed standing next to one)

Everybody In The French Resistance..Now Myspace

Vive la Résistance!

S.U.N.D.A.Y NIGHT

S.U.N.D.A.Y NIGHT isn't as exciting as S.A.T.U.R.D.A.Y NIGHT it doesnt have it's own song.So to see you through here are the first Glam Chops demo's recorded by the legendary Keith TOTP at his studio Dean Street Studios.

Tell Us, Are You Ready, Eddie? (Eddie, Are You Ready?)

European Festivals

T.Rex, David Bowie, Adam Ant and Thin Lizzy have all recorded at the studio so we're just the last in a long line of very sexy men in make up recording there.

Be warned there are some "sexy" lyrics in "Tell Us, Are You Ready, Eddie? (Eddie Are You Ready?)" they weren't written by me but by Tim Purr for me to sing, which is probably even more disturbing.

S.A.T.U.R.D.A.Y NIGHT

I should probably warn the people who go to PUSH at the Astoria 2 on Saturday nights that I'm DJ ing in the main room 12.30 till 1am this Saturday and that I only own a few albums from this decade and also that they'll be no skinny trousered post libertines nonsense. At least not on my watch.

I hope you all like Helen Love.


Glam Chops are supporting the Lancashire Hot Pots at the Purple Turtle in Camden earlier in the evening on stage at 9pm.

Do it all,Have a ball S.A.T.U.R.D.A.Y NIGHT.

DAVE NEWTON THE COWBOY

I've written a radio jingle with my friend and producer of Everybody Was In The French Resistance...Now Dave Newton for his show "The Garden Fence Of Sound" on Little Radio

It sounds like this.

Dave has been recording Everybody Was In The French Resistance..Now in California's Joshua Tree National Park some photos of the session are on their Myspace page.....Now

GLAM CHOPS REVIEW FROM ARTROCKER

MORE GLAM CHOPS GIGS (INCLUDING A EUROPEAN FESTIVAL)

GLAM CHOPS FIRST GIG OUTSIDE LONDON
8th May Artrocker @ the Water Margin (Brighton)

BACK WHERE IT ALL BEGAN
30th May Guided Missile @ the Buffalo Bar

FIRST EUROPEAN FESTIVAL
June 29th Boring by the Sea; Weymouth

SOLD

All the paintings,ages ago,sorry.

ONLY ONE PAINTING LEFT

A small forty pound one,its not as small as it looks,I have very long fingers.

PAINTINGS FOR SALE

Hello,I have some Paintings for sale.There is a big painting,he doesn't have a price,email me if your interested,and we'll discuss it.

I think prints are impersonal so I've made 10 replica's on postcard sized stretched canvas (12cm x 18cm) with acrylic paint,I wont be replicating it again,they are 40 pounds each,plus P&P.

Every painting comes with the song "Thank You,For Buying a Painting (postcard/tree's)" with a personalised sleeve.

all Enquiries to eddie.argos.resource@gmail.com

as you can see I'm also growing a beard.