Sunday, 4 September 2016

My Wikipedia wasn't comprehensive enough.

So I made this artists timeline...
1979 – Eddie Argos is born in Portland hospital Dorset.
1981 – Wins first prize in beautiful baby competition (sponsored by Farley's Rusks) creating delusions of greatness from which he never fully recovers.
1984 – First public singing performance as part of Heatherland First Schools rendition of 'The Nativity'. Eddie performs as part of the choir and is politely asked by the director Mrs Sommers if he can sing a lot more quietly, or perhaps just mouth the words.
1985 – Diagnosed as Dyspraxic
1987 – Whilst on holiday with family in Edinburgh witnesses an oriental porcelain figurine slowly turn its head to look at him, a feat also seen by his younger brother.
1988 – Creates first sculpture 'Heavy Plant Crossing' for Branksome Heath Middle School's book week competition in which pupils are inexplicably asked to create some fictional horticulture. Wins first prize which is a book of collected comic verse.
1989 – Attempts to learn the euphonium.
1989 – Using felt tips and card creates the Beano and Dandy series of drawings.
1990 – Wins the skipping race at Branksome Heath Middle School's annual sports day.
1992 – Fails eleven plus.
1992- With friend Ben Limburn, writes and performs a series of well received sketches as a parting gesture to Branksome Heath Middle School.
1992 – Attends Martin Kemp Welch School in Dorset where all of his classmates are petty criminals.
1992 – Using felt tips and card creates the Batman and Spider-Man series of drawings.
1993 – Learns how to play the song 'Yellow Bird' on the alto steel drum and as part of a steel band tours the schools of East Dorset.
1994 – Given a mix tape by a teacher called Mr Dawson which contains songs by The Blue Airplanes, Denim, The Autuers, Animals That Swim, The Television Personalities and The Times.
1994 – Punches classmate Davide Hole in the forehead for falsely claiming Bob Dylan had died.
1995 – Joins the band Hot Foxx on bass, lasts only two rehearsals.
1996 – Meets Emily Kane
1996 – Forms the bands The Fantastic Folk Devils RFC, Superfuniture and Deathfox
1996– Attends Poole Technical High School to study Law, Sociology and English Literature. Walks to school everyday with Ian Catskilkin.
1996 – Attempts to learn the guitar.
1997 – Learns how to play the vacuum cleaner as a musical instrument and forms The Art Goblins with Bob Oblivion the ' Beer Poet'. They play two live shows both entirely improvised. The first an incredible success to rapturous applause, the second a work of misunderstood genius.
1998 – Meets Jasper Future, forms the Art Goblins MkII, no improvisation this time, just banging pop tunes about Britpop.
1998 – Writes a sociology paper about the A Team subtly using the Frank Sinatra song 'My Way' as the template for the concluding paragraphs – which begin 'Regrets, I've had a few during this piece of course work' and end ' I used the library and information superhighway, but more, much more than this I did it my way' – fails Sociology.
1998 – In the written exam for English literature, describes in intricate detail why Thomas Hardy is a boring curmudgeon, the question was about John Donne – fails English Literature.
1999– Becomes a postman.
1999 – With The Art Goblins records the 'I Wanna Be Johnny Dean' EP and then later the same year creates the 'I Wanna Be Johnny Dean' short film using second hand super 8 camera.
1999- Is the first man ever to span the Ashley Cross fountain (fingernails to toes as a human bridge) in Poole Dorset.
1999 – Creates his first acrylic painting on (30 x 40cm) canvas 'Barcode Trees'
2000 – With the Art Goblins soundtracks the multimedia catalogue of contempary artist Stewart 'Nancy Boy' Semple,
2000 – Whilst onstage at the Westbourne Traders fete, The Art Goblins are unplugged by a local resident who accuses them of being 'just noise'
2001 – Moves to London and works as a Parking Attendant during the day whilst writing lyrics for experimental pop music outfit 'Future and The Boy' by night.
2002 – Creates 'Clever Clever Jazz' painting on (40” x 50”) canvas with acrylic, also a series of paintings based around cassette tapes (varying sizes)
2001-2003 Spends two years asking everybody he meets in London to be in a band with him - until he meets Chris Chinchilla at a party, everybody declines.
2003 – Recreates 'Barcode Tree's' painting with oil paints on (40” x 50”) canvas.
2003 – New years day Art Brut officially formed.
2003 - Art Brut self release 'Brutlegs '03' produced by Keith Totp and containing the songs Moving To LA, Modern Art and Formed a Band. A small number of Brutlegs are released into the wild, this mainly involves being intentionally left on buses for strangers to find. Each Brutleg comes with a note tucked inside asking the person who finds it to get in touch and to let the band know what they think of the songs. Art Brut hear back from one person that the Brutleg had got as far as Kent - no comment is made on the music.
2003 – Art Brut start franchise movement, encouraging other bands to form and use the name Art Brut. Over a hundred other Art Brut's spring up from such far flung places as Moscow, Russia, West Texa USA and St Albans, UK.
2003 – Art Brut sign 'non contractual agreement' with Angular Records at a trig point on a hill in Ladywell, South London. It allows Angular Records to put brutleg demo version of 'Formed a Band' on to their compilation album 'New Cross; An Angular Sampler'
2004 – Art Brut's Brutleg demo of 'Formed a Band' promoted to single status and released by Rough Trade record company worldwide.
2004 - Hosts guerrilla film 'Nikidido' with Chris Chinchilla, Matthew Hockridge, Freddy Feedback and surprise appearance from the actress Louise Jameson.
2004 – Brutlegs '04 produced by Keith Totp self released by Art Brut the EP contains Bang Bang Rock and Roll, Good Weekend and an acoustic version of Moving To LA.
2004 – Named 44th Coolest person in the world by NME music magazine.
2004 – Art Brut headline free show at Tate museum in London.
2004 - Art Brut record 'Top Of The Pops' song for Angular Records compilation album 'Rip Off Your Labels' with backing vocals from The Long Blondes, The Violets, The Fucks, The Swear, Luxemburg, Ciccone, Abdoujaparov amongst many other south London bands.
2005 – Art Brut single My Little Brother/Modern Art released by Fierce Panda. The sleeves for 1000, 7” records all individually painted by the audience at a special launch celebration.
2005 – Has essay 'How To Form A Band' (co-written with Keith Totp) published in The Idler magazine.
2005 – Bang, Bang Rock and Roll Art Brut's debut album produced by John Fortis released on Fierce Panda records.
2005 – Art Brut Emily Kane single released on Fierce Panda and reaches 41 in the UK pop charts, missing out on top 40 by two sales. - still Fierce Panda's highest charting single.
2005 – Appears on front cover of Rolling Stone Magazine, Germany.
2005 – Has essay 'Gang of Four vs Crackheads' about the state of British indie music published in Spin music magazine.
2005 – Not placed in the NME cool list.
2006 – Whilst out drinking is punched in the face by Kele Okereke from the band Bloc Party.
2006 – Art Brut appear on Jimmy Kimmel Live - American talk show.
2006 – Loses standing still competition with Liam Gallagher from Oasis backstage at the Alsterhalle stadium in Hamburg.
2006 – Art Brut release Good Weekend single on Fierce Panda.
2006 – Art Brut self release split single with We Are Scientists. They cover each others songs with We Are Scientists covering 'Bang Bang Rock and Roll' and Art Brut covering 'The Great Escape'
2006 – Grows moustache
2006 – Art Brut have portrait taken by photographer David Bailey for GQ. It is not a very good photograph but GQ publishes against Art Brut's advice.
2006 – Not placed in the NME Cool list.
2007 – Creates run of twenty small 'Barcode Trees' paintings on canvas (5”x7”) in acrylic and sells with exclusive song 'Thanks For Buying A Painting' – co-written with Keith TOTP
2007 – Has essay ' Why I love Top Of The Pops' about the television program Top Of The Pops published in NME music magazine.
2007 – Art Brut release Nag Nag Nag Nag single on EMI records.
2007 – Art Goblins release 'Disco/ Fuck The MSP' single on glow in the dark 7” via Filthy Little Angles Records - Vinyl single of the week in the NME.
2007 – Named 23rd coolest person in the world by NME music magazine.
2007 – Art Brut 7th  best live band in the world as decided by Spin music magazine.
2007 – Creates series of twenty 'Ignorance is Bliss' paintings on canvas ( 5” x 7”) in acrylic.
2007 – Art Brut appear on Conan O'Brien US American talk show
2007 – Art Brut album It's A Bit Complicated released on EMI/Downtown records
2007 – Art Brut franchises have battle of the bands competition in pub in North London to see who is the best Art Brut. Art Brut 7 win. The original Art Brut are not invited and only learn of the competition when hearing the results announced on London based radio station Xfm.
2007 – Direct Hit single by Art Brut released on EMI records.
2007 – Poses naked for full page spread in the NME music magazine.
2007 – Lecture on Eddie Argos lyrics entitled 'The Depressive Dandy' delivered at Berlin's Humboldt University.
2008 – Forms the supergroup 'At Last, The English Traveling Wilbury's' with Vessel from David Devant and His Spirit Wife, Luke Haines formerly of The Auteurs, John Moore from John Moore's Expressway and the Jesus and Mary Chain, Keith Totp and Frank Sidebottom. They perform one show recorded live for BBC 6 Music's Harvest Festival. Frank Sidebottom gets the dates wrong and misses the performance sending his apoligies from Timperly, Manchester.
2008 – EMI release Pump Up The Volume single without Art Brut's permission. Art Brut drop EMI.
2008 - Essay about the musical group The Indelicates published in German music magazine Intro
2008 – Begins recreating 'Formed a Band' cassette painting on various sized canvases to date has made more than two hundred hand painted copies, the process is ongoing.
2008 – Not placed in NME cool list.
2008 – Collaborates on Christmas single ' Christmas Number One' with Luke Haines, John Moore and Sarah Nixey from Black Box Recorder also with Keith Totp. Released under the name the Black Arts. The single does not chart.
2009 – Has essay about living in Los Angeles published by Black Books magazine.
2009 – Black Francis produced Art Brut album Art Brut vs Satan released on Cooking Vinyl/Downtown Records
2009 – Art Brut only band to ever sell out New York City's Mercury Music Lounge 5 nights in a row.
2009 – Art Brut sell out Schubas in Chicago 5 nights in a row.
2009- Writes series of essays about comic books under the title 'Pow! To The People' for local St Louis website PlaybackSTL.
2009 – With Paul Kearney from Guided Missile Records, Vessel from David Devant and His Spirit Wife and Tim from Purr records forms Glam Chops an orthodox glam band.
2009 – Future and The Boy release Skin Flick/Charity Shop on Filthy Little Angles records
2009 – Not placed in NME cool list
2010- Creates second run of twenty 'Ignorance Is Bliss' paintings in acrylic on canvas (5” x 7”)
2010 – Creates first of 'Calories Taste Delicious' painting 'Revels' on canvas (16” x 18”)
2010 – Forms Everybody Was In The French Resistance...Now art movement whose sole aim is to stand up for the underdogs in pop music by illustrating their often neglected point of view utilizing high quality audio recordings.
2010 – Everybody Was In The French Resistance...Now's manifesto 'Fixin' The Charts Volume One' – the worlds first entirely post modern pop album - is recorded in Joshua Tree California with producer David Newton and piano player Dyan Valdes. The choice of location chosen as a riposte to U2 - who only pretended to record in Joshua Tree.
2010 – Everybody Was In The French Resistance...Now release 'G.I.R.L.F.R.E.N ( You Know I've Gotta ) single on Cooking Vinyl records worldwide. The song is a response to Avril Lavigne's song 'Girlfriend' and warns her to stay away from other girls boyfriends. The B-side 'I Wanna be Your Boyfriend' is a cover of the Rubinoos song which Avril Lavigne's songwriters had been accused of plagiarizing for their hit. All proceeds from the B-Side are donated to the Rubinoos.
2010 – Performs Everybody Was In The French Resistance...Now series of musical lectures across the United States and Europe. Their manifesto 'Fixin' The Charts Volume One' is released worldwide by Cooking Vinyl.
2010 – Creates 'Postcard' series of paintings - A painting of a postcard for every venue Everybody Was In The French Resistance...Now performed at.
2010 – Glam Chops cover 'Born in the USA' for WIAWYA's Bruce Springsteen tribute album 'Play Some Pool, Skip Some School, Act Real Cool'
2010 – Writes open letter to Axl Rose the lead singer of Guns and Roses via the pages of Art Rocker music magazine imparting advice on how Guns and Roses could improve their live shows. Axl rose does not respond.
2010 – Creates run of twenty 'Clever Clever Jazz' paintings acrylic on canvas (5” x 7”)
2010 – Not placed in the NME cool list.
2011 – Creates 'Abstract Expressionism Is Fun' painting acrylic on canvas
2011 – Creates series of twenty 'Fuck Rock Lets Art' paintings acrylic on canvas. ( 16” x18”)
2011 – Creates 'St Pauli' painting acrylic on canvas (50” x 40”)
2011 – Forms band Spoiler Alert! with the intent to record a song about his favourite superheroes from the DC Comic universe in alphabetical order – the first EP released on Corporate Records detailing the lives of Batman, Blue Beetle and Booster Gold
2011 – Glam Chops release 'Tarzan's Glam Rock Adventure' on Keep Pop Loud Records.
2011 – Art Brut album Brilliant! Tragic! Produced by Black Francis and released worldwide on Cooking Vinyl/The End records.
2011- Creates Sealandscapes series of paintings acrylic on canvas (16” x 18”)
2011 – DC Comics reset all their comic titles to 0 wiping out decades of interesting back stories for their characters. Spoiler Alert! disband in protest.
2011 – Art Brut first band to ever sell out The Lexington in London 5 nights in a row.
2011 – Creates second run of 'Sealandscape' paintings acrylic on canvas ( 5” x 7”), second run of 'Fuck Rock Let's Art' paintings acrylic on canvas (5” x “7) and third run of 'Clever Clever Jazz' paintings (5” x 7”)
2011 – The song 'Sealand' recieves royal approval from Prince Michael of Sealand who in an email claims 'A lot of shit has been written about Sealand but this song is genuinely moving' Sadly he is not moved enough to give Eddie a knighthood.
2011 – Not placed on the NME cool list.
2012 – Credited as musical supervisor and host on ZDF's television show Berlin Live.
2012 – Creates 'Whale' painting on cardboard in acrylic and chalk for front cover of Berlin band Great White Shark's, 'Great White Shark EP'
2012 – Creates 'Horse on Fire' painting for San Diego musical art duo 'Pony Death Ride' reprinted by them, with permission, for promotional T-Shirts.
2012 – Forms band Lo-Fi Punk Rock Motherfuckers in Berlin, Germany. They write and record 5 songs over a weekend and release it as the Wam! Bang! Pow! mini album on Corporate Records.
2012 – Creates the Wam! Bang! Pow! lino cut as well as the Lo-Fi Punk Rock Motherfucker series of paintings.
Paquito's Lament
Wam! Bang! Pow! #1 – Acrylic on canvas (30cm x 40cm)
Wam! Bang! Pow! #2 – Acrylic on canvas (30cm x 40cm)
Wam! Bang! Pow #3 – Acrylic on canvas (30cm x 40cm)
Wam! Bang! Pow! #4 – Acrylic on canvas (30cm x 40cm)
Wam! Bang! Pow! #5 – Acrylic on canvas (30cm x 40cm)
Death To Everything That Is Not Guitar Music - Acrylic on canvas (30cm x 40cm)
2012 – Creates second and third 'Calories Taste Delicious' paintings 'Cadburys Chocolate Eclairs' and 'Nutella' acrylic on canvas (16” x 18”)
2012 – As a futile protest against download culture, self releases 'Fuck Rock Lets Chart', a retrospective of The Art Goblins musical career, on hand painted cassette tapes, each album comes with a signed certificate declaring that the album is an actual solid object.
2012 – Not placed in the NME cool list.
2012 – Creates 'Pompidou Rock Out Modern Art' painting acrylic on canvas for Black Francis on behalf of Violet Clark
2013 – Has essays on the band Man or Astro-Man?, accidentally writing a rock musical and the musical group Future of The Left published online by The Talkhouse a website whose writing is chosen and edited by acclaimed author and journalist Michael Azerad
2013 – Writes and performs songs with Jim Moray for the lo-fi musical The Islanders. The book is written by Amy C Mason and details her relationship with Eddie Argos in the late 90's.
2013 – Becomes 'Agony Uncle' for music magazine This Is Fake DIY and helps to solve problems suffered by other artists. Icona Pop, Wayne Coyne, Peace and Gruff Rhys are all grateful to receive advice from Eddie Argos.
2013 – Considers moving to Hebden Bridge, North England.
2013 – Creates and sells a 112 pocket money versions of 'Death To Everything That Is Not Guitar Music' paintings in the space of one month.
2013 – Performs The Islanders with Jim Moray and Amy Mason in a month long residency at Edinburgh's fringe arts festival. The musical is produced by Show and Tell in collaboration with the Old Vic Bristol.
2013 – With Albert Wager weekly hosts Berlin's only English language radio show 'Off the Record'
2013 – Commissioned to create new 'Formed a Band' painting in acrylic on canvas (72cm x 90cm)
2013 – Art Brut release Top Of The Pops a retrospective of their career to date.
2013 – Not placed in the NME cool list.
2013- Spends a month in Edinburgh, slowly going mad performing the Islanders everyday with Jim Moray and Amy Mason.
2014 – Starts the Lo Fi Punk Rock Motherfucking press. Prints, numbers and signs 500 copies of 'Any Questions – The Complete Works of Art Brut' all sold out.
2014 – Joins Amy Mason and Jim Moray on taking The Islanders on a farewwell tour of the UK. Where it gets mainly 5 star reviews like this one.
2014 – Paints the farewell series of paintings saying good bye to his favourite motifs. One motif every two weeks. He says goodbye to the Clever Clever Jazz, Fuck Rock Lets Art, Wam! Bang! Pow! Lets Rock Out!, Death To Everything (That Is Not Guitar Music) and Sealand paintings by making them over and over and numbering them. Makes and sells over 400 paintings over two months. With Death To Everything (That Is Not Guitar Music) being the most popular with 117 copies sold.
2014 – Becomes a father to Jackpot Batman Argos.
2014 – Self publishes 'Fuck Rock Lets Art' a collection of essays about his paintings. The book is limited to 100 copies and each comes with a hand painted front cover.
2014 – Paints larger Ignorance Is Bliss, Calories Taste Delicious, Formed A Band, Death To Everything and Sealand paintings.
2014 – Creates 'A is For Art' Paintings.
2014 – Creates large Transparent Mix Tape Paintings.
2014 – Moves house three times in a year, it is a fucking nightmare.
2014 – Not in the NME cool list
2015 – Publishes 'I Formed A Band' memoir. 500 copies SOLD OUT
2015 – Publishes second edition of 'I Formed A Band' memoir 500 copies SOLD OUT
2015 – Creates the Hennesy and Wine paintings.
2015 – Creates the F is for Fanzine, R is for Replacements, K is for Kultfigur paintings.
2015 – Writes 'I Formed a Band' spoken word show and performs it for the first time at the Hen and Chickens theatre in Islington.
2015 – Exhibits at 'Show On The Road' in Austin Texas, curated by Karen Light.
2015 – Tours 'I Formed a Band' around the UK.
2015 – Forms all male tibute band to The Donnas, called The Donalds. Support the Wedding Present at Gedge Of The Sea.
2015 – Not in the NME cool list.
2016 – Tours 'I Formed a Band' around Germany.
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