Tuesday 31 March 2009
MY DRUG HELL
I'm not very good with drugs. I'm naturally self conscious and paranoid with massive mood swings. So adding anything to that unstable mess usually results with catastrophe. To paraphrase Jeffery Lewis 'I tend to fall apart after a couple of cigarettes' ,this hasn't stopped me trying to have fun with illegal substances though.
When I was about 16. I ate quite a lot of pot. I didn't smoke at the time and thought eating it would be a brilliant idea. It wasn't. I ate far too much and it was very strong.
I spent the night walking around Bournemouth as a floating head, worried that I was going to accidentally forget to breath. I was convinced everybody on the bus home was whispering about me and to be fair they probably were.
I dressed like Robin Hood at the time and a boy sat at the back of the bus in a trilby hat with a feather sticking out of it ,wearing a green velvet jacket, whispering 'dont forget to breathe' to himself and then occasionally saying 'AM I SAYING THIS ALOUD? very loudly, to himself, probably had a few people on the bus whispering.
To this day I'm convinced Marylin Manson tucked me into bed that night conveniently putting a bucket by my head and 'The Flaming Lips' on the record player to help me sleep.
Even though it wasn't any fun I tried to eat pot three more times after that, every time had pretty much the same result.
On my 21st Birthday as a present some friends who didn't know my history of not handling pot very well spiked my drink. To this day I'm not sure what it was with, definitely something a bit stronger than cannabis though.
I was intending on staying out all night. I ended up walking home and what should have been an hours walk took about 5 hours. My mind had completely broken. I was convinced I'd been hypnotised into injecting heroin (obviously not true) and that all my friends had swapped faces and were out to get me. It wasn't very much fun. The fear lasted for months. I saw images of Jasper floating above my bed. I convinced myself everyone was poisoning me and I would only eat food I had prepared. I once thought I'd been hypnotised into turning my own kidneys into a pie for a television programme watched by Eastern European gangsters. I thought my phone had been bugged and everyone was laughing at me. I once had to leave a party early because I thought they were going to spray heroin out of the walls. I convinced myself the only way to get better was to dance it off and spent hours dancing alone in my bedroom. None of this was good.
Art Brut have written a song about the terrible experience of that walk home on my 21st Birthday. That only hints at the nightmare that followed.
Im sad it didn't quite make it on to Art Brut VS Satan its called 'Weird Science' it is free HERE